


Sober Confession You'll Never Hear

by Maria_Tristesse



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Christophe-centric, Friendship/Love, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 01:22:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10294211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maria_Tristesse/pseuds/Maria_Tristesse
Summary: At some point, Chris had a self-destructive attraction to Viktor.Basically my little space to pile together confessions from unlikely people to unlikely people.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Umm ...? Hi!
> 
> So, umm... like I said, I just need somewhere to put together all my late night scatter thoughts. Updates would be sporadic (if there would be more, that is). This is mostly an expressive space. You can drop me suggestions though. So thoughts? Constructive criticisms? Let me know!

**Self-destructive Love**

 

You were that one exception.

 

When I first saw you, you were nothing more than an unreachable on a pedestal, godlike, infinite and distant, and boy was I wrong. I’ve spent years admiring you from a far, because I know you’re already spoken for. The world knows that you are much, much, much dedicated to your career, and it was too cruel to tame you down, and loneliness hasn’t caught up with you yet. I accepted that.

 

It didn’t hurt less, though, when I told you and all you said was I should move on. It was straightforward and honest, but not unfeeling. I can’t say what I really felt that time, but a selfishly hopeful part of me like to think that you still somehow care. Your verbal confirmation of the thoughts that won’t elude me at night, plunged down that knife that shattered my self-confidence, the real one not the false bravado I always display. I was full of insecurities then, and I know they existed, and I accepted them. It was of no use denying them anyway, a blind person can see through me but not you, god only knows there’s a lot of things occupying your mind. I’ve lived so many years believing that I am undesirable. That I am somehow undeserving of something genuinely beautiful, most especially, I don’t deserve you.

 

I’ve written you countless pieces, each of them glorifying you. We remained friends, and god would only know the comfort provided by your late night talks with me. Oddly enough I’ve never been more honest about myself than when I talk to you. I laid myself bare, my flaws raw for you to see, and somehow I didn’t care. I trust you. You could bring me ruin, I felt I was ruined enough nothing can break me anymore. Funny through this unhealthy coping mechanism, I managed to grow and build myself strong. Somehow I owe it to you, and I want to thank you.

 

There are countless times I’d imagine you finally getting married, not to me of course, but to someone you can proudly call your own. Someone who will finally match, no, compliment you. Someone that isn’t me. I’m still broken, but I’m working on it. My teacher once told me, never find yourself on someone else, maybe that’s where we-I’m sorry, there wasn’t a we. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I needed you to label me. I used you to define attraction, inspiration, muse, beauty, dedication, romance, love… it was unfair to you. I needed someone to listen, and I’m sorry for the burden. I realized it’s not that I don’t deserve you, and I deserve so much more, rather we simply aren’t fit. We aren’t what each other need. And as I look at your blissful face as you stare lovingly at your fiancée, I knew I had been right, and I couldn’t be happier for you. You deserve it, after everything you’ve been through.

 

I still love you Viktor, but differently than what I initially thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably regret this later.


End file.
